Friday, July 17, 2009

Threads

Threads. Weaving together, pulling apart.
You know, adopting an older child is a completely different deal than adopting an infant or toddler. And its all new to us. (I know, doh!)
This time around is a strange new experience and process. Its surreal and odd and impossible to anticipate and filled with unexpected experiences, feelings, thoughts.
This time around, the entire event is much more complex, on all levels.
Really, it's just harder.

I know, this shouldn't be news. We were prepped, or thought we were (by which I mean, me). But really, some things in life you can "prep" for, you can intellectualize, do the research, do the math, run the numbers, stock the pantry, pray, wonder, imagine, speculate. But you know, just like anything else, you never really know what it's like until you do it. (Again, I hear you, doh.)

All this is to say that so far, already, this adoption has taken me places I didn't expect to go; both good and bad. But, one of the surprises to me are the threads.

There are a few tiny little threads hanging out, that we have been able to follow to the back of this tapestry and see. And it's one cool thing that, especially in these early days, I will hold onto.

You see, our Marta turns out, unknown to us prior to our meeting, to have a deep devotion to Mary. Yes, that's right, the Blessed Mother, Mary. Maram, she calls her, with a sigh and a smile.

Now, as Coffeedoc points out....no matter the new strangeness of this fit....what are the odds? Of all the children, millions of orphans, what are the odds that we would bring home a child who is so devoted to Mary? Good, you say? Maybe. But, honestly, we both think maybe not so much. How many deeply, openly devout teens do you know? How many of them have lived one or two lifetimes in the toughest of conditions already and still have that deep love and devotion? Well, we think the odds get pretty slim there.
But we, in our home, have a deep devotion to Mary (um, remember, Catholic...). Heck, our house is full of Mary icons and pictures and books and paintings and sculptures of Mary and her son - a veritable folk art/high art/kitschy/antique/homemade collectors corner of this. Our home might give someone who didn't have a love of religious art a start {Fair warning, visitors!}. But this part of our home sent her clasping her hand to her chest, saying "Oh! Konjo! Mom! Dad!" All with a mega-watt smile.

So, I write this to remind myself of this thread. It is knotted on the back of our tapestry. And I might need to lift it up and see it from time to time to remember that the odds are against us being brought together. As such, say what you will, I do believe that Mary had a hand in this. She loves with a perfect love and as such I can only hope that her love also rubs off on all of us.
Marta told us she prayed daily in front of an icon of Mary for her to pray for her and bring her a family, a mom and a dad.
Oh.
Visiting her church, Coffeedoc asked her if she wanted anything special from there, to take home with her. She asked to buy a bible and a prayer umbrella to present to the priest in thanksgiving.
Oh.So on those days (Why yes, this afternoon, now that you mention it) when I get a little overwhelmed and am juggling the senses and feelings and questions and hows of weaving all my kids together into a family - I want to be able to look and see this thread, this very important thread, and see the knot on the back. No matter the strangeness or the adjusting and discomfort or tugs, this is a reminder that just maybe, this one too was part of a bigger plan.

Being sewn together isn't always comfortable, perhaps.
But the tapestry, I hope and pray (and pray for trust), someday will be a beauty.

16 comments:

Jen said...

I think you may have outdone yourself! Beautiful!

PursuingtheSummit said...

Bliss.

Ladybugs appear said...

You are her perfect mother.

Julie said...

Wow. Intense, and beautiful...Just like you (:

Tara said...

are you kidding, hand picked by GOD Himself! this was meant to be and a pure gift she is, we adopted an 11 month old baby girl from romania almost 14 years ago, she was failure to thrive, bond anything, she would rock and hit her head with her hand and not look into my eyes for years, today she is an entirely different person! she's perfectly normal, go figure, i will pray that a bond and easiness will happen quickly, many blessings to you and your family, i know it is hard!

Robin said...

I think when we allow ourselves to step out of the way, i.e. relinquish the control, God really does work an amazing tapestry. All of my kids are strong-willed, incredibly smart...and funny. The two newest birth dad is in wordworking -- my husband has been i the industrial woodworking/training/consulting business for 25+ years! Our daughter Pickles has a half-brother the exact same age as Saqueeker??? Are all these coincidence??? No,,,,,personally, I don't think so!

And I agree with you -- an older child(ren) adoption is so much different..and harder in different ways. And definitely challenging. I heard "How Great is Our God" the other morning on the radio during breakfast, and I just broke down and cried...."Where are you God??? Have you forsaken me????" He was right there with me...through the hard stuff....I was just wishing something would be easy for a change. Guess that's not our familys' lot in life either!

HorseMom said...

I love that story. I loved sitting next to her today at mass, whipping her scarf out of her purse to cover her head. I love that still, calm, quiet nature. Okay.....I'll share you with her!!!

Christine said...

Oh, she's precious.

Christine

Ellen said...

Michele,

Your family remains in our prayers. This post was beautiful. I can only imagine the challenge of it all.

and this will seem random, but was your driver Beniam (sp) -I thought I saw him in the umbrella photo.

ellen

evenshine said...

What are the chances, indeed...I don't believe in chances, so I join the others in affirming that she was made for you, and you for her. Blessings to you and yours.

The Albertsons said...

I. Am. Speechless.
that never happens.
love prevails... as usual :).
becca

Anonymous said...

Have you read the book "Our Lady of Kibeho"...? In your spare time:) you might want to!! Amazing book, and, one that will really make you smile and just know beyond knowing that Mary, our Blessed Mother, was interceding on your families behalf, well, Her families behalf!!! After reading that book, I was inspired with a new desire to pray the Rosary as well as share with anyone who will listen to me about this book, Our Lady of Kibeho....a must read, in my opinion:)!!

Your daughter is beautiful, and, after reading the book I mentioned above, it did not surprise me to read your daughters love of Mary, there are many, many, many people who pray to our Beloved Mother. AND...even cooler, is the fact she is there listening, and, carrying our hearts and cries directly to the Throne of Her Son, our Father!! Read the book.....please:)

Erin said...

Wow. As I was reading I couldn't help but think of Psalm 68 where it says that God sets the lonely in families. He is very detail oriented - and I am very grateful!

Nikki said...

"Being sewn together isn't always comfortable, perhaps."

How very true you are. Oh, the discomfort mixed with the joy. Strange combination this adoption experience. Loved the tapestry analogy as it speaks directly to my heart. Thinking of you!

Love,
N

Farmboy and Buttercup said...

Oh, the thread. God has given you a gift. Cherish it and trust it during this massive change for your whole family. She IS part of the tapestry.

Yes, you were prepared, are prepared, but the reality is making a beautiful tapestry can take an exhausting amount of work. Just don't do what I did and analyze your feelings daily. They will come and give yourself permission to feel the way you do without guilt or trying to conjure up new feelings. That is just dang stressful, unfortunately I know from experience, and such a waste of your emotional strength.

But you probably know all this, I was a bit thick, I think.

LOVE the updates!!!

Jennifer said...

amazing stuff. amazing stuff. isn't it glorious when all of the pieces of the grand plan start to reveal themselves? there will be so many more for you to discover.