Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Hope in wait

Some days it's hard.
Waiting.
Some days, not as hard, and life feels almost but not quite regular.
Those days there is a frisson of "Almost there...just half a bubble off plumb."
Then, some days it's harder still.

Last Sunday was Pentecost, as mentioned, I love Pentecost.
Because it brings the Holy Spirit: Grace, Hope.

Hope, spiritual hope, makes my heart skip a beat, or two.
It is a kind of dance.
A flutter of hands, to grasp, hold fast, squeeze tight as if it can be captured and kept.
Extend, let go and toss it back up in the air so it can shimmer down around me.
Filling the room, the air, my prayer, my breath, my heart.

Yesterday we got another photo of our sweet Marta.
And her face simply shines and sparkles.
She is laughing.
Dare I hope, her smile is bigger, her eyes dancing, more now than months ago?
Could it be us {yes, I'm so vain}?
Could it be simply being healthy again?
I don' t know, but I know that they said she is a reader. Me too!
And somehow this news makes my heart skip a beat, silly I know.
But it's a connection, when one is so desperately needed.
It's a floating glitter of hope.
This is why the wait is so hard, for all of us maybe.
Because we can't see our children, the path before us, the unknown.
That's why these updates and pictures are so treasured, poured over, every last pixel perused, every letter analyzed.
We yearn to see, we yearn and grasp for hope.

But, today, I ran across this.
And I saw, "Ah."
And it made my heart float a bit, my hands open...(this is for you too, Jen):

...Now hope that sees is not hope.
For who hopes for what one sees?
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait with endurance.
In the same way, the Spirit too comes to the aid of our weakness...
From Romans 8

So.
I wait.
What I yearned for, hope.....
In a way, I've had it all along.
Because I wait.
I hope in this wait.

7 comments:

Kristy -Mom To 6 Blessings said...

Praying for your family during this difficult holding pattern.
Blessings,
Kristy

Adoption Cubed said...

I agree!!! I think her beautiful smil IS bigger! She IS beaming more. I would have never thought those two things would be possible.

I am so glad you got this picture, this update today. They are treasured. They are read over, and over. Analyzed for every thought, idea, feeling. And this glorious picture, and the skip of a heart beat or two...and this Hope..I hope it gives you some renewed strength and endurance today.

Your family is always in our thoughts.
Rebecca

Kristi J said...

she's so beautiful!! love the pic, Kristi

Jen said...

I needed this!

The Albertsons said...

She. Is. Stunning.
And so are you...
becca

The Roberts Family said...

LOOK at that face!!!!! :) What a blessing.

Need to catch up with you soon. Mulling over much here. God seems to be working/moving. Kinda scared. Kinda excited. Out of state guests right now, hope to write soon.

Much love,
Shelly

Ted and Lori said...

Oh my goodness, her face is radiant. She knows she's loved.